A Breather

Rest Definition #2
refreshing ease or inactivity after exertion or labor: to allow an hour for rest.

"I visited a church in the suburbs and there was this blowhard preacher talking about how television rots your brain. He said that when we are watching television our minds are working no harder than when we are sleeping. I thought that sounded heavenly. I bought one that afternoon.”

Donald Miller Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality

When I got married I did not know how to keep a house clean. Literally. I tend to like to do fun things. Cleaning was not fun. For approximately one week I kept things perfect. Then...we ate there, we slept there, we made messes, and I realized I would have to keep cleaning. Not cool. When I was in high school I moved out of my bedroom onto the couch because it was so messy, but without my mom, my couch had dishes and clothes on it.

If we were a two person army, I pictured myself speaking to the officer that sent us on this mission, "Sir, it appears...I am all we have." It took me a while, but eventually I mastered the task. I still do not love cleaning. I still am tempted to blend up everyone's meal into a smoothie so we can solve the crumb infestation (because really no one should have to sweep and mop four times in one day). But I can clean. I like the state of having-been-cleaned so I can sit-and-enjoy. That goal is mostly impossible. Which makes me sad. And also like a mouse running in an exercise wheel.

                                                                  Back in 2009? 


With some wisdom from my friend Charity, I've realized that I must make peace with is: The job is never done. If I wait to rest until the proverbial "it" is accomplished? I will never rest. I don't think it's a good idea for me to go back to the blissful life of avoiding responsibility. Because actually it was stressful, not blissful. But I do know that I must take time to be refreshed.

And it's not just cleaning house.

I can have the "fighter" turned on with more than laundry.

How about...pursuing my kids and raising them to be empowered world-changers...or...encouraging and championing my husband and seeing him realize his dreams? How about pursuing each of my friends because I love them and want everyone in my life to be thriving? What about reaching out to the broken and hurting?

I believe in passion.

But do I know how to turn off Hero and turn on me?

Do I know how to walk off the battlefield and rest?

Can I look at my house destroyed yet again and read a book?

Because the job...it's important...and it's continual. I think it's part of it's beauty. Maybe I've made the mistake of believing it's my job to solve the problem instead of living a wonderful part of the story.

In the book For Men Only Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn compare a woman's mind with a computer screen that has several windows open at one time, according to their survey more than four out of five women find closing out their unwanted thoughts either required effort or was impossible.

Do you ever have the thought...If I don't do it, no one will? Me too.

And...it might be true.

But if I don't take care of myself and take time to let the music turn back on, my song I'm singing to the world; to my family, to my friends, to the broken...it won't be as beautiful as it could be.

I've read parts of the book Eat Pray Love, in the beginning, there is a quote that I love. To set the stage, the author is sitting on her bathroom floor begging God to tell her what to do about a particular situation. She's sobbing uncontrollably, and this was her first time "speak(ing) to God directly":

"Then I heard a voice. Please don't be alarmed----it was not an Old Testament Hollywood Charlton Heston voice, nor was it a voice telling me I must build a baseball field in my backyard. It was merely my own voice, speaking from within my own self. But this was my voice in a way I'd never heard it before. This was my voice, but perfectly wise, calm and compassionate. This was what my voice would sound like if I'd only experienced love and certainty in my life. How can I describe the warmth of affection in that voice, as it gave me the answer that would forever seal my faith in the divine.

The voice said: Go back to bed Liz."


-Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

Go back to bed. Take a minute to rest. Relax. Trust me. I've heard all those. A week or two ago it was:

Jess, you can only do what you can do.

Most the time rest is something that happens to me on the inside. Something I choose. Rest is being with God and trusting Him. Sometimes it's "refreshing ease and inactivity" and knowing that in this moment I don't need to prove or achieve a thing. The moments when I'm wonderfully, wildly, unproductive and unashamed. A week ago I watched my favorite TV show on Hulu...during the DAY. It felt so wrong. What would my great great great grandmother think? but it was exactly what I needed that Tuesday.

And afterwords I laughed deeper and harder and had more fun with my family than I have in a long time.

And this is what I would say,

Girl, you will move mountains, but don't forget to stop and take breathers. 

If you are new to my blog, don't forget to check out He Has Loved Me and The Art of Sleep for more on my journey to rest!